Early Delivery

It's Crazy to think that less than 12 hours after my last post my babies were here! I am a planner and you would think I would have learned by now that my life never goes as planned here's my story... All day Monday I had this feeling that something bad was going to happen. My day went as usual until I got in bed to go to sleep. As soon as I laid down I felt a gush of fluid and I thought either my water just broke or I had started bleeding. I stood up and yep I was bleeding...again. It was 11:30 at night and Joel wasn't going to be home for 2 more hours. I didn't really want to drive myself to the hospital again and since this was the fourth time this had happened I decided to lay in bed and wait for him to come home. When Joel got home from work the bleeding hadn't really stopped so we headed to the hospital. We got there around 2:15am and they put me in a room to monitor the babies. They were doing great and the nurse said my doctor wanted to monitor me overnight. About 5 minutes after she left the room I started having painful contractions every minute. And with each contraction I could feel multiple blood clots. When the nurse came back in the room I told her I thought I might be bleeding quite a bit she checked, hurried out, and came back with another nurse. They didn't say much and left the room once again. They came back and told me my doctor was on his way and we were doing my c-section. WHAT!!! I was only 32 weeks! I immediately started crying and then from there a lot of it is a blur. They came in and did my epidural and were hooking IVs up to each of my arms. Then I was wheeled to the O.R. I couldn't feel a single thing during the c-section. I honestly was so out of it I thought I might die. I kept listening to the monitors waiting for mine to flat line...but thankfully it didn't:) My dramatic behavior could be the combination of the morphine, blood loss, and shock. William was born first @ 3:42am, and Ellie @ 3:43am weighing each 3lbs 4oz. I had only a moment of clarity and that was when I heard Ellie cry. I didn't even get to see the babies after they were born. They whisked them right out and Joel went with them. I started throwing up as they stitched me and I kept asking the doctor when it would all be over. At 4:15 I was back in my room and then taken to the mother baby floor. Everything happened so fast we couldn't even tell our families until after it was over. The nurses finally let me go see the babies 5 hours later after I began crying that I hadn't even seen them. I was only able to spend 10 minutes looking at them because I got sick but I thought they were beautiful even hooked up to all the machines. The rest of the day I was completely out of it and so sick to my stomach. It was hard to listen to babys' crying in the rooms next to us. I felt cheated. The week in the hospital felt like one long day. As soon as I was feeling better we went and saw the babies every 3 hours and was finally allowed to hold them once a day. When it was time to be discharged from the hospital I felt like I was leaving a piece of my heart there and I think I cried for 48 hours straight. I just felt so guilty. I am their mom and I was suppose to keep them safe and I didn't. I realize now that there is nothing I could have done to prevent this. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and I guess it is something I need to constantly be reminded of. William and Ellie are now almost 2 weeks old. Everyday is a rollercoaster and some days I wonder how we will get through all of this. I look forward to the day when they will be home with us. I miss them every second I am not with them. I have never experienced a love like this and I would do anything for them. Looking at pictures of them all hooked up to machines breaks my heart so here is two recent ones!

Will looking up at his Mama

Our little Ellie bean