Early Delivery

It's Crazy to think that less than 12 hours after my last post my babies were here! I am a planner and you would think I would have learned by now that my life never goes as planned here's my story... All day Monday I had this feeling that something bad was going to happen. My day went as usual until I got in bed to go to sleep. As soon as I laid down I felt a gush of fluid and I thought either my water just broke or I had started bleeding. I stood up and yep I was bleeding...again. It was 11:30 at night and Joel wasn't going to be home for 2 more hours. I didn't really want to drive myself to the hospital again and since this was the fourth time this had happened I decided to lay in bed and wait for him to come home. When Joel got home from work the bleeding hadn't really stopped so we headed to the hospital. We got there around 2:15am and they put me in a room to monitor the babies. They were doing great and the nurse said my doctor wanted to monitor me overnight. About 5 minutes after she left the room I started having painful contractions every minute. And with each contraction I could feel multiple blood clots. When the nurse came back in the room I told her I thought I might be bleeding quite a bit she checked, hurried out, and came back with another nurse. They didn't say much and left the room once again. They came back and told me my doctor was on his way and we were doing my c-section. WHAT!!! I was only 32 weeks! I immediately started crying and then from there a lot of it is a blur. They came in and did my epidural and were hooking IVs up to each of my arms. Then I was wheeled to the O.R. I couldn't feel a single thing during the c-section. I honestly was so out of it I thought I might die. I kept listening to the monitors waiting for mine to flat line...but thankfully it didn't:) My dramatic behavior could be the combination of the morphine, blood loss, and shock. William was born first @ 3:42am, and Ellie @ 3:43am weighing each 3lbs 4oz. I had only a moment of clarity and that was when I heard Ellie cry. I didn't even get to see the babies after they were born. They whisked them right out and Joel went with them. I started throwing up as they stitched me and I kept asking the doctor when it would all be over. At 4:15 I was back in my room and then taken to the mother baby floor. Everything happened so fast we couldn't even tell our families until after it was over. The nurses finally let me go see the babies 5 hours later after I began crying that I hadn't even seen them. I was only able to spend 10 minutes looking at them because I got sick but I thought they were beautiful even hooked up to all the machines. The rest of the day I was completely out of it and so sick to my stomach. It was hard to listen to babys' crying in the rooms next to us. I felt cheated. The week in the hospital felt like one long day. As soon as I was feeling better we went and saw the babies every 3 hours and was finally allowed to hold them once a day. When it was time to be discharged from the hospital I felt like I was leaving a piece of my heart there and I think I cried for 48 hours straight. I just felt so guilty. I am their mom and I was suppose to keep them safe and I didn't. I realize now that there is nothing I could have done to prevent this. Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us and I guess it is something I need to constantly be reminded of. William and Ellie are now almost 2 weeks old. Everyday is a rollercoaster and some days I wonder how we will get through all of this. I look forward to the day when they will be home with us. I miss them every second I am not with them. I have never experienced a love like this and I would do anything for them. Looking at pictures of them all hooked up to machines breaks my heart so here is two recent ones!

Will looking up at his Mama

Our little Ellie bean

32 weeks

Another week down! I am trying not to wish time away but I have never felt this sort of anticipation before. I know part of it is wanting to make it to the milestone of 34 weeks and then on to 36 weeks. Each milestone I hit gives me a sigh of relief. Even at 36 weeks my babies will be a month early but in the twin realm making it that far is an accomplishment. I try to keep myself busy while Joel is at work...not that I can do much while on bed rest. But last week I watched the entire second season of Downton Abbey...Matthew and Mary together at last! I finished crocheting a blanket and made my baby girl some hair bows. On Thursday, I was able to get out of the house for my first NST (non-stress test). They monitor the babies heartbeats and my contractions for 30 minutes. Baby girl hates having the monitors on and kicks at them constantly. Baby boy is a lot more compliant. I am happy to report the babies are still doing great! I will have a NST each week at the hospital from this point forward. To take advantage of our little outing Joel packed us a lunch and we ate outside on the grass. It was nice to breath in the crisp fall air and be out in the sunshine. Fall is my favorite season of the year and I feel like I have missed out on it while constantly being inside. I enjoyed watching General Conference over the weekend, especially since I haven't been able to go to church in weeks. I'm not sure there is much else to report. I'm trying to enjoy my last few weeks of pregnancy even though the bigger I get the more uncomfortable I am.

The one comment most often made when people found out I was having twins was "You are going to be HUGE!" I know I still have 4 weeks to go but thankfully I feel like I am doing pretty good with 7 plus pounds of baby.

One of the bows I made

31 weeks

It has been awhile since I have posted but one thing bed rest has given me plenty of is time. I am 31 weeks pregnant with twins and I wish I could say it has been an uneventful pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant on March 27, 2012 and after struggling with "unexplained infertility" for six and a half years it was one of the best days of my life! I found out a few weeks later I was pregnant with twins and a couple months later found out we were having a boy and a girl. I thought since I had been through so much to get pregnant that I was certainly entitled to an easy pregnancy but I was blessed to be able to experience every possible symptom. My doctor had told me I would have to go on modified bed rest at 28 weeks so I began working hard at getting things together and organized.

My time of preparation was cut short at 26 weeks. I woke up for work, had my usual dry-heaving spell, took a shower, and after putting my contacts in realized blood was all over the floor. I spent 3 days in the hospital as they worked to get my contractions under control. I had an ultrasound while I was there where they determined I had a low placenta and vasa previa (which occurs 1 in 2500 pregnancies). Although I am able to sum up my experience in 3 short sentences it was very scary and one event I was hoping to not have happen again. However last Saturday the same scenario began this time at night while Joel was at work. I drove myself to the hospital and tried to stay calm but that lasted for a whole 30 seconds. My doctor let me go home Sunday but I was back to the hospital on Tuesday with the same problems. I had another ultrasound while there and both babies are doing great weighing in at 3lbs. My doctor considered having me stay for the duration of my pregnancy but thankfully he let me go home on Friday. I have to continue to take a medication called Nifedipine to keep my contractions at bay. It makes me lightheaded, flushed, and anxious but I will do anything to keep my babies from making an early debut.

With vasa previa a regular birth is out of the question so I will be having a C-section at 36 weeks. I know it is only five weeks away, but right now it feels like months! I think it would be easier if I could use the time to "nest" and get everything ready for their arrival but being on bed rest makes this difficult. I know what you're thinking… a forced vacation laying around at home sounds glorious but after a couple days it gets old. I much rather be at home than in the hospital so I'm not going to complain too much. I am so grateful to our families and neighbors who have brought us meals and visited. All the service has made me want to do more...once I can! I am also so grateful to my wonderful husband Joel. He is such an amazing man and takes such good care of me!

We feel so blessed to be starting a family. I am so excited but nervous too. I worry about everything…will my babies be premature, will they be in the NICU for months, how will I be able to take care of two, how will recovery from a C-section be, will I be a good Mom, will my stomach be able to stretch any farther?…etc. etc. I'm sure most new Moms experience this sort of trepidation so for now I need to stay away from Google, appreciate the down time, and enjoy it being just me and my husband because before I know it I will be embarking on one of the hardest and most rewarding journeys.

I am going to try and update each week until the big day…it will give me something to do!